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| Monday, July 13, 2009
They say that if you don't like something, change it. And if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. I cannot change the way i think about it, no matter what, this is what i MUST and will do, even if it kills me. How do u expect me to change my life goals/ plans just because i cannot do it? And sorry, i cannot just abandon my goals after so many years of struggling to get here. I must do it, no matter what it takes. i yearn to wear the hat and cloak 3 later, not 2 years. why is it so hard, and its so unfair? because its so unfair that i must prove to myself that hard work will get me to where i want to be. i know i'm not a failure, but to me, i'm one myself. sorry, you can't change the way i think. i feel guilty playing too hard, when i should be working hard. but why can other people play hard and do equally well too? And for the first time in months, i cried. i suppressed my feelings and hid my thoughts for a year. its so hard. im so tired of working so hard but not getting the results i want. its not fucking fair. i deserve to get good results. |
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